Relationship

Relationship Killers

Relationship Killers: 8 Things You Should Never Say

We are all going to fight sometimes in our relationships, but whether we fight fair is another story. Avoid these phrases and you'll be one step closer to a happier, healthier relationship.

Relationship

Are the following phrases part of your vocabulary when dealing with the love of your life? Get rid of these fighting words from your love lingo and you'll reap the rewards. Don't do this, and your relationship just might meet the grim reaper!

"Then I guess we shouldn't be dating!" You wouldn't tell your boss you're quitting your job unless you meant it, would you? But sometimes, in a tough relationship, people are tempted to pull out the nuclear option just to get the other person off their backs: "If you don't like the way I season meat, then you'll never understand me! We should just break up now!"

Save your breakup talk for when you truly want to end a relationship, not as a rhetorical weapon. Otherwise, you will risk your match taking you up on the offer and leaving you crying over beer for one.

"Why can't you be just like my ex?"  We all have people that have taught us what we do and don't like in relationships. But the person you're being with now wants to feel special, not like the sequel to a bad romantic comedy. Don't make it sound as though you're living in the past. Tell your current love specifically how you feel and what you want, but in the context of the present time.

"I'm just too tired from working hard all day to help you with that."  Of course, you're not lying – you most probably did get exhausted from rushing around and dealing with your boss all day. But now, when most men and women have taxing jobs outside the home, this is the lamest excuse in the book. Remember, the man or woman you love is probably as exhausted as you, and even if they're not, they shouldn't have to pick up your dirty socks, move a couch by themselves, or take the kids to soccer practice just because you did a little work. If you're really tired, ask your spouse to trade or defer chores. Or better yet, just do whatever it is quickly, so you can have time to relax and enjoy each other's time together.

Have you ever complained to your loved one that they forgot to do something, and instead of apologizing they brought up something slightly similar that you once did? Everyone makes mistakes, but small infractions done long ago are not hooks to hang your hat on when you want to avoid blame for something you're doing in the present. "You forgot to feed the dog two years ago!" is no excuse for forgetting to feed the cat today, and bringing up past transgressions simply leads to a large escalation of blame.

"Do as I say, not as I do!" It's hard to come home and find that the kitchen is a mess, but… when was the last time you took out the trash? If you're going to criticize your girlfriend or boyfriend for something they're neglecting to do, it had better be something you do fairly consistently. Otherwise you'll come off as a nag who wants the rest of the world to get busy while you put your feet up and rest.

You were hoping for fireworks in bed – but your sweetie is a sparkler at best. Though you may be very frustrated, the worst thing you can do in the moment is to ridicule or insult the person you love for their romantic performance. In intimate situations, when a person is sharing a very private and special part of himself or herself with you, they are most vulnerable, so angry words take on an especially harmful tone.

If you want to heat things up, positive reinforcement yields better results in a relationship than angry criticism. "I'd love it if we could stay in this position" works a lot better than "You never seem to stop squirming!" Being a bully in bed might make your beau yearn for someone a little less selfish.

"You knew I was exactly this way when you met me!" It's not a good idea to get into a relationship with the intention of changing who someone is. But on the other hand, people naturally change as they grow older, often getting better at time management, financial planning, and social interactions. If one of you is growing and changing and the other is staying stagnant, that's a large problem. Claiming that you're allowed to go drinking every night or leave the toilet seat up because that's what you did when the two of you started dating is effectively saying "I will never grow or change, so don't invest any hope in me."

Rather than freezing your personality in time, address the issues. Come to the table with some things you feel you can change now. Then give logical reasons why you prefer to stay the same about various other things.  With all the relationship-killing things you can say, it may be tempting to say nothing. But talking and interacting with the other person is your principal job in maintaining a relationship!

If you're not truly listening to your partner, and not expressing yourself – if you're always saying "fine" or "no problem" – then your issues will never work their way toward resolution, and your partner won't be able to feel close to you. If you stifle conversation, you'll suffocate your intimacy as well, and soon will find your relationship breathing its last gasps.

These are all good things to avoid saying when speaking to a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even someone you're just beginning to date or have a relationship with. Are there some stock phrases you've said, or been told, that eventually led to a breakup? Let us know if there's a phrase that rubs you the wrong way. And let us know if you've found some alternatives to these phrases, to enhance the conversation and lead to greater intimacy in your relationships!

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